One Way or Another

for when you hear a song as perfect and beautiful as this and can completely relate; it's confusion, silliness, and eerie somehow.

<a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=45859913">Check out this video: Oasis - Im Outta Time</a><br><br><object width="425px" height="360px" ><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="movie" value="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=45859913,t=1,mt=video,searchID=,primarycolor=,secondarycolor="/><embed src="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=45859913,t=1,mt=video,searchID=,primarycolor=,secondarycolor=" width="425" height="360" allowFullScreen="true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent"/></object>

Like, when you smell the air outside and it has that familiar smell that brings you back to a defining point in your life.

You make these pacts growing up to be blood brothers, beauty queens, next-door neighbors, have your kids grow up together, and actually mean to follow through. Being young and naive is wonderful because these pacts aren't the least bit silly, but tied together with an incredibly serious pinky swear or best friends forever chained necklace from Clair's Boutique (because, really, why is there a need for any other sort of binding legal documentation? It's all there in the twist of a pinky).

Unfortunately, people change and grow, whether it be together or apart, and I completely get this. Really. But when is it ultimately okay to let go of these child hood pacts? Or is it at all? I'm fucking 24 years old and having the hardest time trying to unwillingly cut those from my life that do not support me in any which way. We're not talking about any "Yeah, I mean, we were friends in high school" friends; this is the real deal, grew up together, know each and every secret, got into the worst and best trouble with friends, so don't be mislead here into thinking that I have it out for everyone. I feel that there are certain loyalties to certain friendships where others need not apply. And also, is someone not supporting you emotionally a reason to necessarily cut all ties? Are you supposed to rely on yourself enough to not give a shit if they don't answer their phone for a month, year, or maybe three now? That they ahve no clue what you do everyday or what crap job funds your college education?  See, in my book, that chapter would be titled "How To Be An Extremely Shitty Friend" Subtitle: (even though I continuously tell all of my other friends that you are my best friend and secretly never want you to leave my side). I may possibly have this high standard for true-best-friendship that is ridiculously unattainable, and if so, honestly, I can take the criticism, but I thought that friends were the support system? Obviously family plays a part in that system as well, but friends ultimately. Maybe that makes me a pussy for even caring as much as to write a "Dear Diary", so to speak, but maybe if I hadn't, I'd be considered an arrogant, irrational asshole for even thinking it was a legitimate course of action to stop lying to myself and severing the loose ends.

It's not like I haven't ended relationships, whether they be friendships or other, previously. We all end "relationships" with people everyday, correct? Personal, professional, virtually non-existent but still apparently existent acquaintance relationships... Realistically, I feel if there's nothing in a relationship of any sort, what's the use in trying to revive it every chance I get? Let the river run it's course, say, "Fuck it, at least I know I tried", and sever all ties, because really... what else is there besides the nothingness that consumed the both of us while in this "relationship"?

One of the best videos I've ever seen:
Royksopp: What Else is There
(Flashlights and Explosions)

Is it weird to feel like a video?
This video = Kirsten.
Watch it!

We had planned to move on May 1st. This date was quickly shot down after Twoey brought his birthday (May 7th) to our attention, explaining that he'd be absolutely crushed if we didn't attend. The moving date was then moved to the eighth, even after Steven mentioned the desperate need of after-partying recovery.

Neither moving dates really matter, I suppose, because today I got a call back from CIngular Corporate's HR person, Darian. He asked me a few questions pertaining to my previous work experience, which I answered using the best of my diplomatically correct vocabulary (thanks, conferences!).

If I get one of the 5 or 6, or maybe 7 jobs, I applied for, I may be moving in 12 days (to start on April 2nd) or moving to start on April 26th.

Crazy.

Merry Xmas!
We should really have more days that are just as much alike any other, except we give eachother presents.
<3 I love presents. :)

Where's the snow?
I guess you can tell Andrew's in town.
All of the snow went away.
heheheh.
No, but seriously, go back to college so it'll snow again.
:)

Off to Muskegon!
Let's see if my family gives me more presents than they gave Steven lastnight. Oh, wait- very unlikely.
VERY. lol

I have a job where I'm important
and better than everyone else that works there.
I look hot everyday and have purpose.

It's sort of how I picture my law firm some day.

Anyway.
Haven't had a day off yet,
and it's fantastic.
I don't see a lot of people anymore,
but I need this time to work my ass off
and re-gain the self-confidence I lost when my dad died.

I also have another journal
(in the flesh) which I write in much more,
making this one look like chicken shit.

I have a million things to say,
but honestly, I've already bitched about the same things and peoplea million times in here, and it's getting old. They aren't going to change; I still feel the same opinions, blah blah blah.
It's nicer to have the other journal seeing as it can't judge me.
And I don't write in it for attention,
or for advice, or to proclaim some great idea that i believe to be my own which, in reality, one-billion others have already had.

Livejournal's boring to me, and pretty much useless.
(pretty much).

Lemon: The token black candy.

I'm sick of either paying one million dollars for books in stores.. 
...or waiting on lazy sellers from ebay/half.com/etc to ship me my god-damned purchased books. 

So fuck all fo that nonsense; I made a myspace group
you can BUY/SELL/ EXCHANGE your college booooooks locally
HOORAY!!! 

Or, ship 'em. Whatever. 

But it's all done through the group on myspace. 
So, I'll make a section where you can post your books to sell.... 
People can reply to that person, or the post, or whatever... 
and the two can figure out prices, payment, meeting... whatever. 

I think it's fucking sweet.
I'd much rather help out my fellow man than better the Barnes & Noble Bookstore that's making literally 100's of thousands of dollars profit each semester. 

And it's non-profit. There's no selling fee or anything. 
I just want to save money. 
And maybe you can, too. 

So if you haven't joined/checked it out already, here's the link....
Any ideas, comments, questions, concerns are welcome. 
So holler! 

http://groups.myspace.com/mccbookxchange

*this is not only for students of MCC!!!*

BUT THESE ARE HOT. 

SO WHATEV///. 











WTF was all that...?Pure nonsense. 

Taken September 3rd, 2006 at Monte's in GR. 
By the one and only Two Eagles Marcus.
PERRRR-FECTT!!!

So Gary and I obviously talk a lot about relationships all the time. I never realized just how important relationships truly are; I mean, you can be reserve about things and hold back, but what happens when they leave you and you're trying to explain what you wanted to do / say / feel all along? Or you can not be reserve, and they leave you... you're pretty much in the same situation. I don't know if that makes sense whatsoever. Obviously, I'm not writing a book on love. I don't know how to do things except rationally, and logically, for the most part. That's how I've trained myself, anyway.


I DO understand MORE THAN EVER though, a few things. Like how stupid some people are for expecting a relationship to just be tons of fun. When you meet that person and are just starting out your relationship, everything's new; all bright, shiny, and exciting. After time, you notice the little problems here and there that occur, or possibly bigger ones... and then it seems that most of the time, one or the other just gives up.

Thank Jesus that I have learned that it's not going to be fun all the time. There's no way possible it can be fun all the time, and that's like a friendship as well. Just because Steven and I don't have fun every minute that we're together doesn't mean that I do not love him with every ounce that I am.

It's just crazy looking at other relationships. I mean, mine sure isn't perfect, but it's where I want to be. I'd rather go to counseling or therapy or scream and yell until I'm blue in the face than just give up. I could never just give up on Steven. What the hell would I do? lol Seriously, though, it's a lot harder to do the things that aren't easy in life, and that's what gives life and possibly relationships meaning. Atleast, that's what Nicholas Cage said yesterday in the movie "The Weatherman".
It's so true though.

testingggg...